For when you compare yourself to others

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” — Carl Jung

Comparison usually starts quietly.
You open your phone, or you overhear someone talk about their new job/partner/home.

And before you know it, your chest tightens.

Your brain starts whispering, “You’re behind.”

The voice is quite assertive, and you can’t seem to disobey it or even doubt it a bit.

Most of the time, comparison is orientation.
It’s what the brain does when it feels lost: it scans the horizon for proof of where you are, for signs that you’re still safe.
But when you’re anxious or burnt out, everyone else’s progress looks like evidence that you’ve failed.
You look at their calm smiles and their milestones, and your body interprets it as danger:
They’re safe. You’re not.

That’s the cruel trick of anxiety.
It turns other people’s lives into mirrors of your own fear.

You’re not envying them. You’re trying to survive a sense of uncertainty that your system can’t hold.

And you know what? You can’t logic your way out of that.
You can’t “just be grateful” or “trust your timing.”

Because in that moment, your body doesn’t believe you. It doesn’t obey you, and the energy level goes to minus.

So don’t argue with it. Don’t fight to feel calm.
Do something small to get the energy moving a bit. To get the attention elsewhere, even for a few seconds. Wash the dishes. Step outside. Go to the shop and get some chocolate.

Give your nervous system something solid to lean on.
Let your eyes land on something that exists. A wall. A tree. A light switch.

Because the truth is, you’re just ungrounded.
And grounding never happens through thinking.

You’re not behind.
I repeat: YOU ARE NOT BEHIND!
I know it doesn’t feel convincing yet — that’s okay. You don’t have to feel it for it to start being true.

Who the hell even decides the right pace?
Who?
Would you feel behind if there was nobody to compare with?
Cool! Cause there’s really nobody else to compare yourself with!

There are not even two people on Earth who have exactly the same life path.
Therefore, you can’t compare what hasn’t started on the very same basis.

If you feel like comparing yourself to someone, then that someone better be you.
If a lot has changed, perfect! You’re progressing. (And also taking your progress for granted.)
Not good! I see you 🫵
If no changes at all, maybe try and see if you’re doing anything to change that?
Maybe you forgot about your dreams, and that forgotten hobby is worth revisiting?

Find something, as little as it is, and invest yourself in it. It doesn’t have to make sense to others.
But you need something to look forward to.
Thus, you won’t even have a moment to compare yourself to others.

Eventually, you’ll move again.
You’ll find a new pace, a new thing to care about, or maybe a new shape of peace.
You just need to stay close enough to your own reality that it stops spinning.

That’s what healing actually looks like.
Not light beams or affirmations.

Just the slow, steady return to what’s true right now.

🕯️ —Nicky

Prescription: You need to read “The Greatest Secret” by Rhonda Byrne.
Comment what you’re feeling and I’ll send you a passage. 💌